I just finished the book The last song by Nicholas Sparks.

This week has been pretty hard so far, but I've been trying to focus. The book for sure didn't make anything better. Or maybe it did. It made me feel so sad, but maybe that's exactly what I needed. You have to be sad to be happy again. Right now it's dark outside, warm but dark, and I can hear a bird sing outside my window. I've been sitting in the car for 1,5 hours reading while I waited for Arno's gymnastic to end. I just wanted to cry beacuse the book was so sad, but how would that look when I came inside to pick him up. Instead I finished the book as soon as I got home and sat here crying for, I don't know, the last three chapters? 

I've been working late nights all week so far, which I normally don't do. But it actually made me feel good. I was tired and sometimes - when the kids were loud or didn't listen - I just wanted to get out of there but I am proud of myself for keeping calm. It wasn't that bad, but still. It's just annoying when the kids hang out in my room, playing around and touching my stuff. I have to clean up after them and even though we all know they shouldn't be there at all it just kind of happens anyway. I want to be able to hang out down here, but one thing always leads to another.. and it always ends up worse..

 

It feels like I can focus on myself when I work and don't hang out with my friends. I've been eating healthy and doing my workout, I am happy about that. I've been skyping a lot today which may also be a reson to why I am sad. To hear what you people do at home and thinking about what I would do at home right now makes me feel soo far away. I am really sad I will miss the swedish summer (and I also hate the word SWEDISH, the way americans know sweden is just not right). I want to take bikerides, I want to walk around THE lake, not any lake, I want to wander around in our neighbourhoods and do everything I used to. I know nothing exciting happens at home, but still.

This week will be hard for me I realize that, but I want to fight for my life here, I need some challenge. Everything is just so easy all the time and I need to face hard times to. It feels even better to do it without my friends. And also, I kind of want to spend some time with Mirea before she leaves for her 4 week sleepover camp. She's leaving right after school ends and i won't see her again in four weeks. I know that she likes to pend time with me, just chatting and talking about casual things. She kind of opens up for me and I love to be there for her. I remember how it was in that age and how lost you can be. I can't believe that I came to a family like this one. I love them all, they are awesome.

Now, I'm going to watch the movie The Last Song, to see what I think about it.

Goodnight!